Oh Big Blue Meanies of the internet, you would have to go spoiling that meme about Zardoz and point out that the legendary fashion-faux-pas sci-fi classic starring Sean Connery was set in 2323, and not 2023. However, I will have you know this is very much the year for the Zardoz vibe, and I for one will be parading my thigh-high boots and handlebar tache like it’s 1974.
At least I probably could grow the facial hair with a little effort… call it a perk of aging (there has to be one). Over Christmas and New Year, as I succumbed to the latest plague and began coughing up my lungs like one of the Bronte sisters in a deathly competition with the others, a little shadow of a thought did flit across my mind… Oh my life, this is the kind of lurg that could finish me off in a decade or so! Not nice!
At the risk of exposing myself to data miners, 2023 is going to be a milestone year for me, at least chronologically speaking. One look at my baby soft skin, and you will be as convinced as I am in my own head that my actual age is hovering somewhere around the 35 mark, but under the bonnet my engine is held together by Blutac which went through the sticky phase and is now just brittle. However, while it still holds, I am just fine and dandy and I can let you into a few secrets:
- Irn Bru – this is the elixir of youth. A hangover cure, restorative tonic, and innately quite childish. Drink this to feel 12 again!
- Besides the Scottish orange nectar, keep drinking at the stream – watch new films, listen to new music, read new books. Don’t just rely on your old playlists to find your groove. There is nothing sadder than a charcoal-grey dish-goth.
- Don’t bother with Tik-Tok. There are skits on there where youngsters are laughing at the fashions of 2010. Why? They are the same flipping clothes as now! I mean, sure, we don’t wear a dress and jeans at the same time any more. But the rest of it is exactly the same. Why watch stuff that makes you feel bad about the wardrobe you just spent 5 years slimming back into?
- Yes, you need a new bra. That’s always a thing. Be honest with the ladies at M&S when they ask why you are getting measured. Don’t say, “I’ve slimmed down and think I might need a new size,” because they can tell you haven’t and they just get snippy with you. Just say, “I don’t know what size I am right now as it’s worn off the label.”
- Life never stops feeling like playing keepy-uppy. The idea is not to get to a magical point where you can relax, it will never happen. Instead, just make sure you have allowed enough time in your plans for the things you’ve already said yes to, and really, really try not to say yes to anything else.
- Lists. Because they are made to be destroyed, and destroying things feels good sometimes.
Looking ahead to 2023 then, and there is lots going on besides that birthday celebration.
Shows in 2023
I have two brand new shows that I’m performing in for the first time at Leicester Comedy Festival.
The first is Prison Biscuit, along with my husband. Prison Biscuit is our irreverent sketch duo, and it’s named after a cooking disaster we once had. We are taking one of the sketches to the Sketch-Off competition at the Museum of London on 21st January so please do come see us there. Follow my ‘Road to Leicester‘ on YouTube, too to find out more about our show in development.
We even have t-shirts! Just for us at the mo, but you never know… I designed the little biscuit logo for them, and it’s quite a cute brute.
My second show is a brand-new solo show called Badger. Badger is an identity I have – a nickname if you like, but there is a huge lack of consensus among the people who give me that name as to why they think I am ‘Badger’. And I have my own opinion, of course! This is a show all about what that identity is to me, whether it’s being an outdoorsy creature, a determined go-getter, or just a bit of a geek. And maybe this is a show about you and your identity, too. And/or puppets.
Apart from those shows, I have a few appearances lined up with The Extraordinary Time-Travelling Adventures of Baron Munchausen too, the first of which is this coming Sunday 8th January at Applecart Theatre in East Ham. Not only will our intrepid band of Baronial companions be at Applecart until 29th January, we have lots of festival appearances lined up, including Leicester Comedy Festival and Brighton Fringe Festival, and another residency in New Wimbledon Studio Theatre this spring and autumn, plus tour shows around the country. Watch this space!
And I’m particularly excited to be part of the lineup at SciFi Weekender in Great Yarmouth at the end of March.
Book News
I am still working on Dark Horses: Science Fiction Stories by Friends of the Arts Lab but we have arranged for an awesome scientifically curious comic of renown to write the foreword for us.
Plus, there is about a week left on the submissions period for the next Best of British Science Fiction anthology for Newcon Press. This will be my seventh book in the series. Yesterday, I learned that Best of British Science Fiction 2021 had picked up a rather lovely review in Locus Magazine, which made my day.
Looking Back
In 2022 I was diagnosed with NAFLD, but after embarking on a bit of a fitness kick, I reversed those poor health scores. It is still hard not to ‘treat’ myself and I’ve basically got to cut down on a lot of hot chocolate, but I’m proud of me.
What else did I do in 22? Well, I was in my friend That Joe Payne’s rather marvellous video for “Live the Dream” (spot me looking lecherous at the start) and it was definitely a fantastic year for music as I rocked up to 36 different sets over the year. After waiting years to see Nine Inch Nails, Pearl Jam and The Pixies, of course they were fantastic, but I was surprised and blown away by Tears for Fears, which I think was my gig of the year. It was lovely to see Lazuli again too, this time with new guitarist Arnaud. New music was bought from Lazuli, Madam Misfit, That Joe Payne, The Anti-Poet and Obey Robots.
I read 45 books, and again this year most of them were not science fiction. My shortest book was Candide by Voltaire and the longest was Life After Life by Kate Atkinson. The biggest surprise was The Woman in Black by Susan Hill, which I had expected to like but had not expected to be such a page-turner. I’m not sure why, it is very popular. My book of the year was SF though – Adam Roberts’ The This, a philosophical examination on the separation of self and society. In the near future, Alan Rich is asked to try out an invasive social media implant that he has been trying to resist for ages, while in the future Adan is enlisted as a soldier to defeat Hive Mind 0, a collective immortal network of brain-linked humans. Perhaps their stories are connected? Based in Hegellian philosophy, the book certainly asks Big Questions, but it’s also an incredibly captivating story.
The most striking films I saw this year were Everything Everywhere All At Once, Glass Onion, Violent Night, Men, Rogue Agent, Catherine Called Birdy, Bullet Train, Enola Holmes 2 and Don’t Look Up – not the only new films I saw this year, but ones I found at least something engaging about, be they serious, funny or slapstick. Very close to my film of the year was The Menu, a dark comedy about a chef who creates the ultimate tasting menu for his specially chosen clientele at his island restaurant. On New Year’s Day we watched the Banshees of Inisherin, which I think just pips it for a superb, bleak storyline, with gorgeous acting, pinpoint dialogue, and a very cute donkey. My heart wells with love for the beautiful dullard Pádraic that Colin Farrell plays at the start of the film whose heart is broken as his best friend Colm decides he doesn’t like him anymore. How the man’s heart is turned towards bitterness seemingly over nothing is a tragedy and reflects the fallings out between friends and family that happened during the Irish Civil War when this film is set. Superb supporting performances from Brendan Gleeson, Kerry Condon and Barry Keoghan.
Writing wise, I didn’t get much finished in 2022, but I did of course write my Weird Sense of Tumour show which I took to both Leicester Comedy Festival and Brighton Fring Festival. I would love to perform that again if I can. And I went on a writing retreat in Wales which was just a splendid thing to do in and of itself.
With the world opening up again, I attended Eastercon, Chillercon, Bristolcon and SciFi Weekender. I think a similar amount of convention going is on the cards for 2023, but we don’t have much booked yet besides SciFi Weekender.
Comedy Gig highlight of the year was probably playing Lakefest. That was such a fun festival to be involved in! I will cherish Ride’s Mark Gardener blowing me a kiss from the stage… and of course getting to see Manic Street preachers again. I hope I can get some more gigs like that in this year.
Looking Forward
I’m going to try not to make any new year resolutions at this point, because the plate is already quite full. I think I need to just keep showing up for the commitments I started, like learning Japanese, and try to stay as fit, healthy and well-rested as I can. That’s still 2 shows to write, and a couple of books to bring out.
Over to you, what are you hoping to achieve in 2023?
